Third Ultrasound Tomorrow

My ultrasound is tomorrow and I feel a mixture of anxiety and excitement. I’ve already gotten way ahead of myself – thinking about creative ways to tell my family that I’m pregnant – thinking of how I would be as a mother.

I was raised by my grandmother ~ and I love her to death and appreciate all that she has done & sacrificed for me – but in all honesty, my childhood with her was pretty dysfunctional. I just hope that I don’t fall into the same pattern.

First and foremost, though, I believe my husband and I need to be more of a unit and frankly, I need to make some improvements. The pregnancy – the fatigue, Prednisone, etc. has made me pretty cranky and I think in order for everthing to work the way I want it to, I need to be a great wife to my husband. I plan to make some improvements ~ let’s see how it all pans out.

As for telling my family, I am completely torn. I definitely am not ready for everyone to know ~ but once I tell my mother – everyone will know. I want to include her but it’s so difficult when I feel like I can’t trust her. When exactly I plan to tell her is still up in the air – perhaps I will just KNOW when the timing is right.

Cycle 5 – 4 DPO

Yesterday, I got a super sharp pain on my left side again, the same pain I felt at 5 DPO the last cycle I was pregnant. Not recalling that I received a similar pain before, of course, it prompted the search for “implantation pain.”

I am less optimistic this cycle than I was during the cycle I was *sure* I was pregnant. I mostly feel the horrible effects of the prednisone (crankiness, anxiety, nausea). Perhaps, it’s the prednisone that is clouding my brain – but I wouldn’t be surprised if we were disappointed this cycle. Of course, I am still hanging on to that hope that I am wrong.