Cycle 5 – Day 14

The cocktail of drugs that will make our baby stick!

Baby Dancing Plan

I went in for my second ultrasound today and my follicle (just one) measured at 20 mm in my right ovary. My doctor plans to give me an HCG trigger on Wednesday and we are supposed to “baby dance” until Friday.

On Saturday begins the cocktail of pills: baby aspirin, Prednisone, and Progesterone. Yikes! Getting close…!

Polyp Removal Surgery

I’m still alive!

I wasn’t prepared for the cramping I had due to the Misoprostol I took yesterday. I woke up with a dull pain and was extremely thirsty. I brushed my teeth twice hoping to get rid of the horrible cotton mouth. Eventually, I cheated and had 3 sips of water.

The plan was for me to wait in my husband’s office and do work and then we would go to the surgery center together. Instead, I slept about 2 hours in his car in the parking garage.

Upon arriving, the financial planner nurse lady explained the cost of the procedure again and basically said Blue Cross sucked. I was whisked away for a urine sample and to change.

The anticipation of the surgery was the worst. My husband and I saw a woman being wheeled out who had trouble waking up and was moaning in pain. Finally, they wheeled me away into the surgery room. It was everything like I had seen on television: bright alien lights and music playing. The anesthesiologist asked for my arm and then BLANK.

I woke up in the original room I was in… barely any pain and mostly woozy. No more polyp!

The Day Before Surgery

The day before surgery:

• No eating or drinking after midnight. I am most disappointed by this restriction. My favorite thing to do is eating after midnight.
• 3 Misoprostols vaginally at midnight. I read the warnings on my prescription. It scared me.
• 1 Alleve right before bed.

Total cost of surgery after insurance coverage: between $2000-$2600.

The PLAN

My husband and I finally met with our doctor on Friday. All tests had been done and we had gone to discuss the PLAN.

On Wednesday, I will have my polyp removal surgery. I’m slightly nervous about it but I know it needs to be done.

We won’t be able to TTC this cycle, but my next cycle sounds like it will be closely monitored. I’m supposed to see my doctor on Day 2 of my cycle (I’m not sure why yet) and during my luteal phase, I will be put on Prednisone, baby aspirin, and progesterone. Whew!

Looks like things are finally moving forward for us.

Too Anxious…

I have so much anxiety from waiting for my doctor to tell us what the new plan is that I’ve kind of shut down. I don’t care what I look like anymore, care even less about what I wear, and I don’t notice anyone or anything around me.

So today, I made a goal to make an effort to stop living inside my own brain. I’m proud so far – I walked the dogs, e-mailed some of my clients, wrote thank you notes to people who have been supportive of me, and donated some money to the Red Cross.

I need to start living life again – something I feel like I haven’t been doing since our first miscarriage. I feel that the first place to start, is by giving and doing nice things. Hopefully I can keep this up some way or another.

I am doubly infertile

I went in for my HSG today and after the discomfort and slight cramping, my doctor discovered I have a polyp on top of my uterus which will require outpatient surgery. I loved the look on his face however, when he discovered it. It was the look of a computer technician who had found his bug.

To top it all off, I had to redo my bloodwork from last week because the nurses used the wrong colored vials. I don’t even know what to think at this point since I am mostly numb. I hate this journey – I keep hoping that it’s almost over.

As a last resort…

My conversation with my husband:

Me: It might take years for us to get pregnant. We may have to consider adoption.

Him: ABDUCTION?

I am infertile

My doctors seem optimistic and I have faith – but the reality is that none of these treatments I may be receiving is 100% successful. The reality is that I may never have children.

The only way I am able to keep going is to get through each day by day and look foward to the future. I see better days ahead for us, at least I hope so.

On a side note, I’ve had two searches for “i hate my husband” that reached my blog. I feel sad for whomever searched for those terms. Not pity, just sadness.

Plan of Attack – Part I

I had a consultation with an infertility specialist today. It was incredibly informative and made me feel better knowing we had a plan of attack and knowing that there was going to be someone to hold our hand throughout our TTC.

Step I: Involves getting blood work regarding T Cells/B Cells. Either, I will be put on a low dosage of prednisone or something-something-something injection. Update: It is called IVIG therapy.

Step II: Involves a hysterosalpingography to rule out any problems with my uterus.

I have an appointment next Friday for Step II in which I will probably also get results for Step I.

On a side note, while I was in the waiting room, there were two mothers there both talking about the joys of motherhood. There was also another woman there who had worse problems than I did (I peeked at her chart! YIKES! Accidentally!). I guess I’m somewhere in the middle.